Two years ago today my father died. We were somewhat estranged (I’d given up trying to have a relationship with him earlier that year) but his death still hit me, hard. I internalized the shock and grief and it threw my immune and digestive system all out of wack. I cut my hair very short and started running more and more, until I was exhausted enough to sleep.
Obviously this was not a healthy response. The sad part of it is most people just saw resulting weight loss and congratulated me. Only some close friends and the rare sensitive and observant teammate or coworker saw through it.
Since then I’ve made some changes, counseling helped me develop better ways of viewing the situation and dealing with stress. I moved to be closer to people who know and love me, take a gentler outlook to exercise, I found a less emotionally stressful work place. My iron and vitamin b levels are ever so slowly getting back to my normal and my hair is almost pony tail length. I liked it short and will do it again but from stylistic motivations this time.
While I do want to lose some weight and start running again – this time I’m doing it from a position of strength, not desperation, and I’ll be running to enjoy it, to feel fit rather than running from my feelings, from myself.
Obviously this was not a healthy response. The sad part of it is most people just saw resulting weight loss and congratulated me. Only some close friends and the rare sensitive and observant teammate or coworker saw through it.
Since then I’ve made some changes, counseling helped me develop better ways of viewing the situation and dealing with stress. I moved to be closer to people who know and love me, take a gentler outlook to exercise, I found a less emotionally stressful work place. My iron and vitamin b levels are ever so slowly getting back to my normal and my hair is almost pony tail length. I liked it short and will do it again but from stylistic motivations this time.
While I do want to lose some weight and start running again – this time I’m doing it from a position of strength, not desperation, and I’ll be running to enjoy it, to feel fit rather than running from my feelings, from myself.
