The one that got away? Lesson to self.

So I was cleaning out my inbox and came across a 4 year old email from (part-time) musician I'd met at a show one night with friends. We joked and talked about baseball, the ocean and how I missed it living inland. He asked about what that felt like (he's from the prairies). He was attentive, funny, smart and flirty. I asked about a phrase in one of his songs and he took my email to send me the lyrics. He sent it labeled “for Coastal lover”

I just now noticed the postscript that was added below the lyrics link. “Too rarely do I meet a sassy, articulate umpire. Last night was fun and I'd like to see you again sometime.”

For fack's sake! I totally didn't see it back then – so my response was purely to thank him for the music and kept it simple. I got a polite, short response back and that was that.

I just did a quick google stalk search.  I found an album of his with several several songs about the sea and one titled “for coastal lover”.  Around the album launch there are also mentions of his wife, who could also be a coastal gal.  Or not - I'm ok with being a platonic muse. :-) 

Anyway...it was obviously not meant to be, but that will teach me to pay attention to the next email I get from a fella I fancy.  

Other notes -things I'm enjoying 

• pomegranates, so messy to eat but so good
• the snowy, crisp winterland that has suddenly returned (honestly two days ago no snow and 12C) 
• feeling of accomplishment after shoveling the driveway 
• knowing I can have that feeling again, in a half-hour when the snow has filled it back up.

Today's post's soundtrack - (courtesy of Hall & Oates)  

A year goes past and the tree grows another ring

So it's my birthday - I like birthdays, but prefer low key gatherings of friends and family and this weekend did the same. Just with more family and less friends than usual (after 8 months in town I'm still building my circle here)

A year ago I was packing to move half-way across the country. Between work and classes and goodbyes I'd put it off until the final days. Even though I knew it was the right move it was still a big deal to leave the city I'd lived in (but never really called “home”) for 6 years. That day I had friends stop by and help out a bit, pick up plants and books and such that I wouldn't be shipping. A good friend, RW, stopped by with sandwiches from one of our favourite neighbourhood delis. And another, NJ, drove two hours to totally throw my packing in disarray and take me out. We'd dated years before but after a break-up realized and agreed the only future we'd have together was through friendship. He drove us to the bank (so he could transfer some stocks to me as a going away present – he thinks everyone should make solid financial plans) and we went to dinner and a movie. We saw “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader” in 3D. We both started tearing up on the drive back to my place and then our hug lasted for minutes – I didn't want to let him go but I also knew this was just a geographic separation and we'd had other goodbyes, sad (break-up) or fearful (his military deployment).

A year ago I was so excited and eager to carry out my plans, follow some dreams. I'd resigned from my job and was going to travel and volunteer for a while, shake out the cobwebs and refresh my mind and spirit. And then I was to go back to university with the hope that by the time I was finished my master's I'd be able to find work in the East Coast area. Though I never thought I'd end up back in my hometown, I thought it too small, too rural. But then ...things happened, opportunities came up, I made some of my “luck”, shifted priorities, reevaluated my strengths and skills and what makes me happy.

When I look back at all that happened this year...I'm amazed. I lived in another country, learned the basics of another language, travelled to new places, got really strong and healthy, found a dream job, fell in love, considered becoming an illegal alien (but didn't), left grad school, experienced heartache, more moves, found another dream job, moved back in with my parents, lived out of suitcases and boxes for many months. Ha! So much for my horoscope that had said this would be a year “of preparation, chance, and refinement. It is not a time of dramatic changes.” Whahahahahaha

On this blog http://countdowntooz.tumblr.com/ I saw a post from this blog http://supermanns.tumblr.com/post/14140500038/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself with this quote “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” (Maria Robinson) 

Wow eh?

It struck me as particularly apt at my birthday and as the calendar is set to change over. Change doesn't stick to a calendar or run on a schedule so we don't have to wait to make the changes to get the life we want (or keep and enjoy the one we have)

Looking forward to what 32 has in store for me. 

ps. this post's title is from a song called "A year goes past" from the Needfire: A Celtic Celebration CD

We are all only human and it’s not just about me

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why people sometimes say and do the things they do.  Correction, I often think about this but I think I’m coming to some realizations. And one of those is that everyone else isn’t perfect.   I know I’m not, but I have a habit of putting people on pedestals.  I don’t think about the fact that others are also still figuring out life and making mistakes along the way.  Which means I set unreasonable expectations for others and are disappointed and also is harder on myself than is healthy.   

I have a colleague that came to me the day before the valedictorian address and wanted to discuss the content of the speech.  Though she hadn’t read it, she was quite adamant about the complaints she would receive (she did my job years ago) if certain elements weren’t included and that I was new and didn’t know how things go.   I tried to assure it was a quality speech and that I consulted two managers (she is no longer one).  It was frustrating until in a sudden flash I realized this was more about her than me or even the speech.  Her worries, her sense of responsibility, her lack of trust in others.  It’s not pleasant to get complaints in the past.  And I think she’s still holding on to that and not recognizing it’s ok to let go of it – to pass the responsibility on.  And so I was able to say  if you get any, direct them to me and I’ll respond.   I'm quite willing to take that on and respond if necessary.

Source: http://www.notefromlapland.com/2011/01/only-human.html

So while previously I would have taken this as a slag to my capabilities or arrogance on hers.  I am rethinking that this colleague is also still figuring things out, learning to relinquish control and responsibility and finding her own role at work.  I have to remember that we all are and to be understanding and accepting of that. 

I’ve long known that I will make mistakes, though I am still learning to be accepting and forgiving of that.  And now I see how freeing it is as well to see others in a more understanding and accepting light.  

Now what does this have to do with fitting a pair of jeans bought in April…I dunno but I know every time I lighten the weight on my mind and spirit – it can only be a positive – and that’s the bigger goal and mandate of this blog.

Enjoy the song - Jason Mraz's Only Human

And then came the tears

Wow – I am just through a really busy week at work – with many highlights and no real lowlights  – the public concert/ entertainment night was excellent – it rocked.  Things looked great, ran smoothly (for the most part)  and even though I forgot to decorate the Xmas tree – some people thought it was deliberate and appropriate (it was a beautiful tree).  The evening had such great energy, I had two ladies come up to me and say they hadn’t had been to a party like that in years.

The banquet the next day was also a success – the food was great (arugala salad, salmon with spicy spinach or stuffed Portobello mushrooms and local apple cheesecake tart) , the banquet servers did well and with a bunch of inspirational speakers and one who challenged the audience to match donations and we somehow started a fundraising effort and suddenly we’re up to $5000 for a student scholarship.  (that is still knocking my socks off)

So a good night, but it could have been “tighter”,  I was not as organized, candles, music were forgotten, VIP guests showed up late (delaying the whole thing) , I was just too zapped from the night/week before to put in my full effort.  

And then the goodbyes – I was fine, giving hugs, wishing good travels and then one gal gave me a hug and I started crying. Completely burst into tears! And then she did. The tears were running down my face, dripping off my cheeks, or following the smile lines to my lips – I tasted the salt.  I couldn’t stop – the others around us didn’t know what to do, I was shocked – I didn’t expect it.  I’m not one to cry at goodbyes, I stay in touch with friends far away and I’m still naïve enough to think I’ll always see people again (no matter how far) so I am not usually affected by goodbyes.  I think this was more a stress reliever than anything. 

And eventually they stopped and I felt better, the pressure was decreased, the tightness in my shoulders and neck loosened.  And then we got a picture together “two watering cans” and off she went and I continued on with the clean-up and tear down of the event.   

So all in all a good weekend.  I met my parents went for a walk along the harbor on Sunday, gathered some branches and assorted flora for a decorative planter, then helped them wash some windows and then I went home and slept.  I took yesterday off and did more of the same (putter, walk, sleep).  I still feel a little drained, a little-unfocussed but feel so good to have it behind me, and I’ve gotten lots of congrats from my team since.

I'm looking towards finding a little more balance in the coming weeks and months.  How do people work whole-heartedly and have other commitments like a dependant family, school or volunteer commitments? I’ve seen it but I can’t picture how I’d do both (and more). To those of you who do – way to go! 

Truthful hips

Motivation

Well to get to goals, beyond a plan I need motivation/inspiration. First people help – fellow bloggers – you do, your comments and your posts.  Eeven if I don't always comment it's more my lack of creativity than appreciation. 

Secondly, sometimes motivation is as simple and doing/keeping my job (see work related goals below) but for others I need something more. I've come across the last couple of points/tabs/links lately and thought I'd pass them on.

This video makes me tear up every time – clip of Derek Redmond finishing the race at the Barcelona Olympics, despite injury.

Getting past excuses – not sure if this is original or from another source but good stuff in there. “It will never be: easy,perfect, the right time...”

A post about lessons lived, reflections following a memorial service 

And another bit of excitement for me – I just registered for a belly dance class...I am a huge fan of Shakira and floaty scarves and my belly (it's soft and round – like a pony or a cupcake). The class doesn't start until January so until then – I'll do some practicing with this bit of excitement and energy and truthful hips. 

Enjoy!

What are your favourite expressions, videos, pictures for motivation?

Goals down

• grocery shopping
• 1 shared meal
• confirmed entertainment for convocation ceremony
• confirm speaker 

Goals

What are yours?

As I asked earlier (why blog?) what is the purpose of writing a blog.  And for many it is to help the writer state and realize a goal. The goals are varied - some weight related, or physical measurements or race times or distances run, and some are reading lists or financial planning or health related or artisitic.   Some are a life's or month's to do list of activities and achievements. 

 I've seen some awesome lists go down "strike-through" font, bullet by bullet. And the satisfaction from them has got to keep us all going.

I know of some women who have a goal to get pregnant or become a surgeon or be a millionaire by age 40.   And maybe they aren't all going to be met, life happens, priorities change (stocks plummet), but I think there is something very intrinsic in our nature to set goals. To reach for what seems impossible sometimes.

And I think I need to get more concrete in my goals and how I'm going to get there.  I've been reading about goal setting and know the whole "SMART" goal trick (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely) and so I'm going to do some additional revisions as I go along.  (the jeans are still waiting!)

So in the next week (7 days)- I will a mix of home and work

• buy a gym membership (no more weather excuses to not exercise)
• go grocery shopping (I've been slacking and eating out or making meals out of canned food regularly)
• 3 shared meals
• go to the farmer's market
• move blue dresser
• 7 sets (usually morning) exercises - leg and core
• confirm entertainment for convocation
• confirm speaker
• pick and prepare outfits for convocation and banquet
• find/arrange background music for banquet
• arrange two practices with valedictorian

I'll report on them next week.

 

So go on with your goal-setting, big dreaming, list makin, record-smashing selves.