Running towards not away

Two years ago today my father died.  We were somewhat estranged (I’d given up trying to have a relationship with him earlier that year) but his death still hit me, hard. I internalized the shock and grief and it threw my immune and digestive system all out of wack. I cut my hair very short and started running more and more, until I was exhausted enough to sleep. 

Obviously this was not a healthy response.  The sad part of it is most people just saw resulting weight loss and congratulated me.  Only some close friends and the rare sensitive and observant teammate or coworker saw through it.

Since then I’ve made some changes, counseling helped me develop better ways of viewing the situation and dealing with stress. I moved to be closer to people who know and love me, take a gentler outlook to exercise, I found a less emotionally stressful work place. My iron and vitamin b levels are ever so slowly getting back to my normal and my hair is almost pony tail length. I liked it short and will do it again but from stylistic motivations this time. 

While I do want to lose some weight and start running again – this time I’m doing it from a position of strength, not desperation, and I’ll be running to enjoy it, to feel fit rather than running from my feelings, from myself. 

 

 

ps. this post should have gone up Thursday but blogger wasn't cooperating.

Good habits and another use for hockey tape

Hockey tape was the answer to my recent TKD problem of finding something to protect my feet but not land me on my behind, during last class's umpteen kicks. It kept the band-aid in place (friction burn from all the kick's last week) and allowed me to pivot.

So yay - and hockey tape is pretty ubiquitious in my rural northern town.  I also got over my fear of a certain kick (the move I tore my ACL on).  I was nervous, my hands were actually shaking before hand but after a few misses, I landed some strong ones and will only get better with practice.

Also after reading this article on creating routine and habits for success I'm making a few more minor changes. Making water drinking a habit (when I wake up, when I get in to work, before I leave work, etc.) and also taking a stronger look at my diet, I am a pretty healthy eater - veggies are some of my favourite things on the planet but I was also eatin more sweet treats than my body can handle if I want to lose weight. I'm of the philosophy that some are fine but I don't want to be counter-productive.

One month from my goal date.

Or rather my updated goal as originally I wanted to be in the jeans before 2012. But it didn’t happen so I set a new goal. But no more sliding dates! Here is my “S.M.A.R.T” goal.

Specific – Zoe-style, Mavi jeans size 28, bought April 19, 2011

Measurable – jeans on and feeling good

Attainable – I have the jeans in my closet

Realistic – this isn't just a 5 week effort but several months in the making 

Timely – one month from now – March 31st

To do it, I’ll have to continue to make healthy and enjoyable choices at the grocery store and in the kitchen and keep up the walking, dancing and kicking. 

And keep in mind what this is really about. It’s just a pair of jeans and fitting in them is not a measure of my happiness or worth.  And rather than keep looking back where I was when I first wore them I am instead going to look forward to the fun, and adventures that are ahead and where else I’ll take the jeans (not where they’ll take me). 

More on Belly Dancing

I've had 6 belly dance classes and I enjoy it so much, the shimmies, the sashays, the music.  It has improved my posture and freed the tightness in my neck and shoulders, strengthened my core and are mucles. Last night we did a lot of 'hip snaps" which is kind of the motion you use to push a car door or drawer closed with your hip and to make it really "snappy" you have to tighten the glutes. After the class I could feel it, but in a good way like a butt-lift.

Like this.

I also really enjoy the chance to move in a "pretty" way.  I was always a bit of a tomboy and did sports over dance growing up so I never felt particularly graceful.   And yes the class is supportive and encouraging and welcoming of all shapes and sizes and I can see it's very much "what you do with it, rather than what you have". And that feels great. 

I hope she runs another session soon,  I don't think I'd ever want to perform but this is something I want to keep up.

Problems with comments

It seems like quite a few bloggers are having trouble leaving and reading comments.  Thanks T for letting me know there's been a problem here as well.  

A 63 year-old kicked my butt

My TKD instructor is out for a few classes so some of the black/red belts are taking turns leading the class. Wednesday was Mary... a gentle-looking soul that I initially took to as she was so nice and welcoming (and the only person older than me)...I figured her to be about 50 and thought it was cool she was there kickin and giving it.

Found out Wednesday, she luvs to spar and has the heart of a drill sergeant. And that she's 63. By the end of class, sweat was rolling down my temples and my sit-ups were shrugs. (Who still does sit-ups? I thought they were long extinct in favour of crunches, planks and almost anything else)
So tonight should be interesting, one of the "kids" (read insanely fit 16 year olds) is leading the warm up and then she's doing the class again. 

I think it's excellent that she started at 59 and kept with it.  I'd luv to think I'm still as engaged and active even if it's not with a combat sport. She is keeping with who she is and not just settling in with her old patterns of things.  And still challenging herself and others.

Speaking of which, oh my...must go drink more water now.

Happy Valentine’s day

I remember when it was a fun day at school, everyone would dress up in red or pink and bring in matching foods.  We’d decorate brown paper bags with our names and classmates would distribute little valentine’s to everyone else in the class. I remember saving some of those from friends or boys I had crushes on.   

 
Back then there was no expectations or angst or stress or worry about romance or gifts or who was single or where the relationship was going or not. I've had some fun ones as part of a couple and single and I’ve had some where it’s a regular day. I don’t get too worked up either way but like any chance to wish people a happy day. 

So here people - is my valentine for you - have a happy one!