need to vent - having a mope

My boss told me today funding for my job has been cut. She prefaced this by saying she’s working figuring out something so I’m not likely unemployed in the next few months. I trust her and I know she values my work. 

So there’s the future unemployment (or down to part-time) worry facing me, but right now it’s the ego hit. 

It’s hard to not take it as a judgement on me and take it personally. The idea that my work is deemed unnecessary, unworthy of funding, makes it seem like the effort, stress, creativity, energy that I’ve put in is well unworthy. 

Anyway, I’ll take a day or two to mope and then move on and keep doing what I so, so enjoy as long as I can. 

bike ride proof

Finally found the cord and got this uploaded. 

where to go for a 5km ride?

Well today was busy at work and though it rained in the morning (and I got wet in light grey pants on my way to the office) it was lovely by end of day so I knew I had to get in my bike ride for Julie's challenge.  Thanks for the reminder Julie

First obstacle, finding a 5km route wasn't going to be simple since I was avoiding the highway and didn't want to repeat many hills. I made a loop or two some side streets but got to about 5km. (#smalltowngalproblems)

At the moment my memory card is stuck in my camera but I'll try and hook it up via the cord at my work and upload pics from the ride.

Today was a great day - met the new group, had some laughs and surprised my mom with a pair of earrings she had been looking at on the weekend.

Promises, promises

I am sitting in my office, about to head home, it's midnight and I work 9-5. But today, because work is getting busy and people are on vacation, I needed to put in extra time.

I promised last semester that I wouldn't get into this habit again, but here I am.
I did take a break today from 5-8pm for food and taekwondo (so much fun, he had us doing fun relays and games) so that is part of the promise I made myself - to not miss out on the good stuff, the important stuff for work.

So it is a half-kept promise and I'm working on it.
Also working on getting through the ups and downs. The last few weeks have connecting with friends and family and enjoying the bike rides, bellydance, beach and different work projects.  And then Monday was a blah day, so was Tuesday and yesterday - I had a time shaking the feeling that something wasn't right.  So I gave myself a little peptalk - said this would pass and it did.

So while I'd rather not be sitting here - it's ok, and I'm heading home now.

Henna tattoo

She said usually men get this design - but I think I got the pipes to pull it off.

Real spring cleanse

I’ve been on a break lately. I ditched my calorie and carb counting habits and we had no internet at home for a few weeks so I found other things to do in the evenings like bike rides and I got to bed earlier consistently – I’m thinking of it as a spring cleanse. 

I have been feeling really good about my fitness and appearance.  I still play around with recipes and new foods (ideas for okra anyone? Any good food sources of Vitamin E?). I can tell from the fit of clothes that I’m not slimming but I’ve been able to do hills more easily lately on my bike. And I’m getting faster again at TKD speed drills. 

I haven’t been on the scale in a while but I was curious so I weighed myself this morning (last three mornings actually) and the result – up 6 pounds from the start of the month.  And you know what - I don’t care, I know I’m eating well and am active and feeling good and an “overweight” BMI is no measure of that. I’ve decided that as I’m healthy I’m going to try and stay away from the scale and stop evaluating my fitness and my appearance based on it or whether or not I fit in a pair of jeans.

I read this book a couple of years ago but it just sunk in a couple of weeks ago (http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-973/10-Powerful-Quotes-from-Women-Food-and-God.html) but, but, but I’m not trying to preach or convert anyone. This is an individual thing and it's because what I was doing wasn’t working for me in that it wasn’t making me happier. I was spending too much brain energy on calculating and tracking and time on worrying about how and when and if I’d fit them again.  Rather than what my real goal was – to feel good. And since I feel that without the jeans so be it. Maybe I’ll frame them with pics from my trip and make some sort of “collage” .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPUmE-tne5U

A picture was worth a thousand words

I saw a photo last week that has made me pause and rethink some things.

It was actually a series of pictures of me in a pool with my 80-something grandmother.  They were taken during a visit last summer when I felt unhappy about being out of shape, unhappy with my body.

They’re silly pics as we’re both wearing big matching sunhats and oversized sunglasses.  In the first my grandmother is making a humourous exaggerated pose – shoulders back, chest out, stomach in.  And the next one we’re both laughing and the third one is the two of us, smiling looking at the camera.

I was struck by a couple of thoughts as I looked at the pictures and thought about that visit

·         I love her lots and am so lucky to still have her alive

·         How great it is that she is still active 

·         How I didn’t look awful, in fact I think I look quite ok and wish I wasn’t so hard on myself then (and now)

·         How when I'm 80-something I don't want to still be counting carbs and calculating calories burned

It’s the final two that are new realizations, and that have caused the greatest shift in my thoughts, I want to absorb them and hold on to them. 

So I don't know what I'm doing with this blog - a reworking of some sort is required - I'll be back.